But, the thing about Lizzie is that I can't help but still be a little amazed that she's mine. I'm amazed that they are all mine. The difference with Lizzie is that we waited way too long to find out that she was going to be ours. Antwan and William came on February 15, 2008, and we finalized on May, 9, 2008. Kaleb came on June 28, 2013, and we finalized on November 18, 2013. There was some red tape and bureaucracy involved in both, but, in hindsight, it was pretty simple. And, totally worth it, I proclaim from my soap box. Everyone go adopt now. I'll wait... ;)
Then, there was Lizzie. She came on September 11, 2008 and we finalized on September 29, 2009. I think that a year is probably pretty quick when waiting to adopt while the birth parents are still involved. But, it was rough for us. And, totally worth it, I proclaim from my soap box. Everyone go adopt now. I'll wait... ;) I won't go through all the drama about how we had deliberately looked for children who were already available for adoption so we wouldn't go through a year of hell like we did, but we ended up there, anyway. That's not the point. Besides, she needed to be with us and her brothers and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.
But, going through something like that changes you. Watching a baby being driven off for visits with birth parents who don't seem to understand what a gift they've been given hurts. Hearing them lie in court while you helplessly watch things happen is hard. And, then there was my worst moment when I brought Lizzie to a visitation, myself, because I wanted to be cooperative and I had to leave her there. I went to my parents' right after where I had left Antwan and promptly vomited. Then, I continued vomiting for two days with some crazy flu-like illness that everyone was convinced was stress-induced. Since no one else in the house got sick, I'm thinking that they were right. Yeah, it was rough. And, totally worth it, I proclaim from my soap box. Everyone go adopt now. I'll wait... ;)
Sometimes, Kaleb feels threatened by Lizzie. He thinks that we are more amazed by her than him. And, it's true that it's exciting when a 5 year old writes a word or reads a book.
But, if he had looked over, he would've seen me crying as he played his clarinet during his concert, a few months ago.
So, hopefully, the emotional Mommy reactions even out. :)
He thinks that we like her better. That's not true. But, I'm just a little surprised and relieved, each day, that she's still here. Not on a conscious level. I don't wake up and rush to check. But, it's hard to shake the back-of-the-mind feeling that it's not permanent.
But, it is. She's ours. They're all ours. And, regardless of the angst and my lingering paranoia, my baby is my baby. All of my babies are my babies. And, that's good enough for me. :)
Did I mention that it's totally worth it and everyone should go adopt now. I'll wait... ;)
Today, she is happy.
|She said that her backpack was too heavy.|
And she's beautiful.
She absolutely gets away with things like Kaleb says. But, we try to call her on the stuff that matters. And, when we do, she doesn't like it...
|Getting a mini-lecture from Daddy. She wasn't pleased.|
And, sure, sometimes I have to cover my face and pretend to be really sad so she won't see me smiling, but I make it through. Life would be easier if she wasn't tremendously cute when she's mad. Much like she's tremendously cute when she's happy. But, it's my cross to bear. haha.
|Offended by the time-out|
All I know is that I am so glad that she is getting the chance to be a little girl and I get to be there for it. She gets to sell Girl Scout cookies, ride her bike, eat a ridiculous amount of ramen noodles, occasionally watch tv with a hanger on her head,