But, sometimes my insecurities get the better of me.
It was a rough morning. Antwan was not cooperating and I thought there was a real possibility that I was going to lose my mind. When I finally got us all in the van and heading to school, I decided to use the opportunity to lecture my youngest son.
I was lecturing Antwan on how he needs to follow directions, cooperate with me, be part of the team, and anything else that I could think of .
And, then he said...
"I want to go to another home."
What??? I could practically hear my heart breaking. Feeling extremely rejected, hurt, and a bit mad, I turned around and said, in the calmest mom voice that I could muster,.
"Don't you ever say that! Do you understand?"
He quietly said "Yes."
Then my anger quickly faded into hurt.
And, I continued, while barely choking back tears, "Antwan, that really hurts Mommy's feelings. It's not nice to say something like that, just because you are mad at me."
I looked at him to see if I was getting through at all.
He looked at me with a confused expression and then finally said, "But, why Mommy? Why does it hurt your feelings? I just wish we had a different house."
Then the realization struck me that we were having two very different conversations.
"Oh, so you're just talking about us moving to another house?"
"Yeah" he said, still looking confused by my reaction.
So, Antwan had picked that moment to ponder previous conversations about wanting to buy a house and the idea of us moving?
With great relief and totally ignoring the fact that he had obviously not been paying any attention to my lecture at all; I explained that I had misunderstood him. And I told him that I also wanted to move.
Then I went back to driving. I was feeling a little foolish and a lot relieved. I completely forgot why I was mad at him in the first place and really didn't care at all how late we all were, anymore. :)